“Tell people often enough a murder victim was a sex worker or transgender, and readers will begin to associate both as factors for someone’s murder. When we present someone as something “other” than our conservative view, we begin to assume their failure to be like the majority perhaps contributed to their death. This then follows into the fallacy that it’s the job that kills, or the gender identity that kills. But neither job not gender identity killed Prasetyo. She did not make a choice to be killed – a man made that choice.”—Neither job nor gender identity killed Mayang Prasetyo. She died because of a man who felt entitled to murder her — Amy Gray; The Guardian
But I guess my larger point is that if you know somebody who might be at risk but you’ve been denying it because they’re always smiling and joking around, for the love of God, wake the fuck up. They don’t know how to ask for help because they don’t know how to relate, because when you’ve lived behind that wall long enough, you completely lose the ability. “Well, I tried to help him, but he was kind of a dick about it.” Right, that’s what it looks like. “But I don’t know how to do a suicide intervention!” Nobody is asking you to. How about this:
Be there when they need you, and keep being there even when they stop being funny. Every time they make a joke around you, they’re doing it because they instinctively and reflexively think that’s what they need to do to make you like them. They’re afraid that the moment the laughter stops, all that’s left is that gross, awkward kid everyone hated on the playground, the one they’ve been hiding behind bricks all their adult life. If they come to you wanting to have a boring-ass conversation about their problems, don’t drop hints that you wish they’d “lighten up.” It’s really easy to hear that as “Man, what happened to the clown? I liked him better.”
Many of you already know about some of the recent events concerning various YouTube performers and allegations of sexual misconduct. When I read about this (and it seems to come and come right now), I thought, “I have nothing to add to this.” So I just watched. And was sad. And also heartened by the fact that a really serious, progressive conversation as going on.
But then I read a piece about these events (it was in the Daily Dot, the link is here). This quote stuck with me.
“Looking at the responses from Alex Day, the Green brothers, and the cofounder of DFTBA records, one begins to notice something missing from the conversation: female voices. Among the various sex scandals and the resulting blog posts from friends and coworkers, it’s vanishingly rare to hear from any woman who isn’t speaking from the perspective of a victim or fan.
It would be grossly inaccurate to say that there are no women in the amorphous online community that surrounds the vlogbrothers, DFTBA Records, Tumblr fandom celebrities and geek-culture bands like Chameleon Circuit. But when it comes to the kind of devoted fan community one finds on Tumblr, most of the Internet celebrities who end up with “idol” status are part of the same demographic: cute, nerdy white guys who write and vlog about things like Doctor Who, YA literature, feminism, gay rights, and Internet culture.”
I thought about this a lot. Aside from Melissa Anelli, I didn’t see any women speaking about it from entirely outside the sphere of events. And that did bother me. (Though I want to add: I think Hank Green made an excellent video on this topic. I hope it gets a million views.)
So, because that gap is there, and because I have the benefit of being older—I thought I might widen the focus a little and talk about my own experience and maybe how we got here and where we can go from this point. Because there are many, many places to go.
I’m about to get personal, and also, if you have any issues with stories of a sexual/abusive nature, just be aware that I am about to list some. But if you can bear with it, maybe go through, because there is a rainbow on the other side.
an important discussion about internet celebrity and sexual abuse is happening right now, in light of recent events. I wish I had something more constructive to add, but I’ll just leave this here for now.
“It’s a lonely cult here in San Francisco around Mrs. Caliban. I encourage A.V. Club readers to read Mrs. Caliban, and if they’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, come find me and we can finally get this cult off the ground. Just don’t read it on Valentine’s Day. Have a wonderful date with your loved one. Don’t think about the fact that everything goes to hell and you actually can’t overcome certain obstacles in your relationship. And then, when the date is over, read Mrs. Caliban and join my cult. We’ll be sacrificing virgins in no time.”—Daniel Handler | What Not to Read on Valentine’s Day
“Even when you’re being treated, you’re not always going to be at 100 percent. I have days where I wake up and feel like I’m going to rip life a new Saturday, but on other days I lie in bed for hours because the only thing I think would be worth getting up for is throwing myself in front of a bus made out of swords. Then there are the days where I do nothing but eat Oreos and masturbate. That has nothing to do with the depression; I just really like eating Oreos and masturbating. I call it cookies and cream. I’m not apologizing for that joke.”—Five facts everyone gets wrong about depression - Mark Hill
So for reasons that Grace is too classy to complain about, she’s no longer going to be uploading to the Daily Grace YouTube channel. A channel that, it turns out, she never owned and, in fact, all of the content that she produced there over the last three years is also not owned by her.
Not owning your content is a terrible (though not unusual) thing…it means that the company who does own your content can hold your stuff hostage and do anything they want with it. They can make you do things you don’t want to do. I’m not saying this is what My Damn Channel was doing to Grace, but I am saying I do COMPLETELY understand Grace not wanting to be part of that anymore.
So she’s moving on, but My Damn Channel chose to not allow her to move on with the content and channel that she has built over the last three years.
So…MDC will be uploading old “Classic Grace” videos on the “Daily Grace” channel (first ever YouTube re-runs) and Grace will be starting her YouTube life over at youtube.com/itsgrace.
You should subscribe to her there, because the future is bright…but she just went from 2.5 million subscribers to 100,000, and that can be a little disheartening.
SIGNAL BOOST. I think this might be a very unprecedented event… but kind of an amazing opportunity to come together as a YouTube community to show support to one of the hardest working and most genuinely caring people on YouTube. If you’re reading this, subscribe, and reblog. She’d never ask any of us to help spread the word, so let’s do it for her.
this is nuts, but Grace is really cool, so if you good content in your sub boxes - subscribe!
6. “Shoot all the blue jays you want, if you can hit ‘em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” —Harper Lee, “To Kill A Mockingbird”
Here we have the noble but insufferable Atticus Finch, taking a break from defending a black man terrorized by the white community to inform us that one bird is perfectly OK to slaughter, but not another one. It’s the most breathtaking display of hypocrisy since they printed “I think that I shall never see/A poem lovely as a tree” on paper.
“So, the thing is that, our body is going to die, but the mission, and the campaign that we have, I want that to survive, and I want that to live forever. And for that reason, I will continue my work. And I’m not afraid of death.”— Malala Yousafzai (via halftheskymovement)
"The problem with dating people," she says, "is that you have to go a few months before you can even say to them, ‘Look, if we’re going to do this, I need you to watch at least seasons two through five of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.’ And then that’s a lot of TV, you know? I can do a condensed version, but it’s still a lot of episodes to plow through. And then you push through all that, and everything’s good, but a little while later, what happens is: you break up. So you wind up standing at a party like this, looking across the room at three different perfectly attractive and charming men, none of whom have seen so much as a single episode of Buffy, and you’re like … I just don’t have it in me to go through this again.
"That isn’t a metaphor," she says, "for, like, developing intimacy with each other. This is literally a Buffy-specific problem for me."
“Being in love is super scary. Being in love is the worst! And it’s the best, but it’s so hard and scary to open your heart to someone. It’s much easier to, um, kind of float and not invest and not expose yourself…”—Amy Poeler
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“When I was a kid, you know I immigrated to the States in 1978, and I’m six years old and watching TV and I didn’t see any Asians on television. And you turn on Star Trek and there’s this Asian guy not chopping anybody up. He’s honorable, a helmsman of a spaceship, and it was a big, big deal for me to see that and have a role model.”—John Cho (x)
I guess what I’m getting at (and by my argument/interpretation, the show itself is getting at as well) is that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves with this idea of “running in place”, that personal definitions of success are allowed to be fluid and maybe even move in a sine wave pattern, and that the people we love and the people we see every single day factor very much into whether or not our situation can be seen as ideal
Josh sums up my feelings about The Office finale quite eloquently.
Julia Gillard was presented with the perfect opportunity to set herself apart from the rest of the pack – to set herself apart, indeed, from the relentless shadow of Kevin Rudd, a social conservative himself – and to state that yes, as an unmarried atheist she too could see that there was no longer such thing as ‘traditional’ partnership, and that speaking as the country’s first female Prime Minister with the first openly lesbian member of an Australian cabinet she could recognise that it was time to set the standard and take us into an inevitable future.
But she didn’t, and it’s too late now, and if she even dared attempt to change her mind 149 days out from the election she would be once again pounced on as a ditherer, a fibber, a leader who no longer understands their core beliefs, if of course they possessed them in the first place.
“Because, in case there was any confusion about it, if you deem what is happening in her life as funny or cute, you are being a terrible person. Even if she is just another rich, troubled celebrity — even if this is a publicity stunt — you are telling every young woman in your reach that mental illness, erratic behavior, and eating disorders are something that are not to be taken seriously. You are telling them that it will get them a charmed, amused kind of attention that gets more engaged the more quickly the woman begins unraveling. You are at once dismissing and reinforcing these horribles symptoms of a problem that we as a society created in the first place. It is our fault when young women hate their bodies and are desperate for approval, and making fun of them for of it makes us only more implicit in the crime.”—Chelsea Fagan - “It’s Not Okay to Make Fun of Amanda Bynes”
“In a colorblind society, White people, who are unlikely to experience disadvantages due to race, can effectively ignore racism in American life, justify the current social order, and feel more comfortable with their relatively privileged standing in society (Fryberg, 2010). Most minorities, however, who regularly encounter difficulties due to race, experience colorblind ideologies quite differently. Colorblindness creates a society that denies their negative racial experiences, rejects their cultural heritage, and invalidates their unique perspectives.”—Monica Williams, Ph.D for Psychology Today, “Colorblind Ideology is a Form of Racism” (via confusedtree)